A rough patch

Let me start by saying even with two birthdays, a mini bout of the flu (thanks to a flu vaccination), and ill relatives I still managed to bring it down to 253.4!!!!!! So that's another 3 pounds for a total of 13 lbs and 2 oz!!!!!

On to the details. Firstly I should start with the ill relatives, my uncle Chris had to have his gallbladder removed. Typically this would not be a big deal. Typically it is a lapriscopic procedure with a quick recuperation time, but my uncle has AIDS, and his health has been failing for sometime now. It is not so hard for me to accept because I know he has had a long and amazing life, but my mom is crushed and anything that breaks my mom's heart breaks mine. It is starting to look as though he may pull through now, so that is good. The other ill relative is my fiance's grandmother. She suffered a heart attack a few weeks back and she is not recovering as hoped. Again it is not so hard on me personally because do not know her very well, but it is very hard on Ryan. He just reconnected with her a couple of years ago, and so he not handling the prospect of losing her very well. Which in turn is hard on me.

Next on my list of events would be flu vaccinations. I received the flu shot which is the dead virus and I did have two yucky days afterward. My son on the other hand received the flu mist, on the recommendation of the nurse at the Health Department, which is the live virus. He was sick for four days! Never again. Next year he is getting the shot. I can't stand to see my baby sick! I don't know what that silly woman was thinking. She said it works faster. I'll say. Well hopefully he won't be sick all school year, like he was last year. I guess I'll just have to keep my fingers crossed.

Last but not least, birthdays! My mother and my step-father both had their birthdays this past week. I decided to try and cheer my mom up (even though she told me that she didn't want anything whatsoever done for her birthday, that it was "just another day"). So I made her homemade carrot cake cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. By the way it work, if just a little. For my step-father we did the whole shebang! Chile rellenos, refried beans w/ cheese, Spanish rice, pico de gallo with chips, sweet tea, and polished it all off with a homemade cookies and cream layer cake and vanilla ice cream.

As mentioned in previous blogs, I am a stress eater and with everything going on, including all the yummy food, I was certain I was going to gain twenty pounds. Amazingly enough how ever I lost 3!!! I still can't believe it, but I will gladly accept it! I know though that I have no more blaring temptations until Halloween so I plan to be very, very good... until then, because we all have to be at least a little naughty on Halloween!

So that pretty much sums up this past week. Here's to hoping that this next week will be happy and productive for us all!

2 weeks down only a hundred or so to go.

I lost another 3 lbs! I just wonder how much I would have lost if I hadn't cheated. My 14 year old cousin spent the night and we watched really bad movies and ate pizza and s'mores. She doesn't come visit often so it was worth it. I and found out that my appetite has decreased significantly. I could barely finish one slice of pizza, where as I used to be able to polish off at least three. And I controlled my sweet tooth instead of the other way around. I only ate one s'more. I wasn't even going to eat that but she made me watch this horribly depressing movie, Remember Me. It was awful. I told her that I had to eat the s'more because the movie had sucked out all of my happiness like one of J. K. Rowling's  dementors. She thought it was hilarious, not the movie but my reaction. Apart from the one slip up day I was very good as evident from my results. Which proves to me that the occasional splurge isn't really going to have a tremendous effect.

It is amazing how easy it has been for me to break my unhealthy relationship with food. Instead of potato chips and cookies washed down with a Coke, I snack on an apple, a cheese stick, and some whole wheat crackers all washed down with skim milk or Crystal Light. The thing that really gets me is that I feel satisfied. In fact I feel down right full. It's great. Before I always felt hungry, but now I only occasionally feel that way.

I can't believe that it is this easy. Why didn't I do this before?

Every day isn't easy.

I decide that I should slow down on the postings. Believe it or not (which may be hard to do for those of you who actually know me) I don't have something new to say everyday. So I decided that it would be better to write fewer blogs that have more substance than writing a blog everyday and not having anything to say. You can expect a blog at least every week unless I am on vacation or something.

Some days its harder to stick to my guns than others. Yesterday was a very hard day. For some reason all day I was starving. No matter what I ate it didn't seem to stick for longer than an hour or so. But I am a firm believer in if you are truly hungry eat something. Do not under any circumstance starve yourself because I know from first hand experience that as soon as you eat something its going to turn into fat. Anyway all day yesterday I was stuffing my face but it was with good stuff, well mainly good stuff, I ate apples and oranges, salads and string cheese, but I also at ice cream and chips (Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches and Baked Lay's). I was afraid of the damage I had done so, even though it is irrational, this morning I got on the scale and to my surprise I dropped another pound! Today on the other hand I couldn't even finish my lunch, which consisted a Turkey-ham and mozzarella cheese sandwich on a Nature's Own Whole Wheat Sandwich Round and 15 Baked Lay's chips, so Jared helped me.

A friend of mine wanted to know what my calorie intake was per day. Normally it is around 1000 calories ( I know that is below recommended levels but, like today, most days I just can't eat another bite). But there are days like yesterday where I can't stop eating and I consume closer to 1500 calories.

The keys are what you are eating and portion control. I know everyone hates that phrase, portion control, it just sounds so daunting and clinical but it really is important. Most people have a very poor sense of what a portion is and so like myself have to be retrained to be able to judge a true portion. Believe it or not most of the time when you go out to eat and you get an entry it is at least double the size of a true portion. Once you start controlling your portion size you will notice that it becomes easier to judge what a portion of something is.

Back to what you eat. Stay away from processed foods. Fresh is key, and when I say fresh I don't mean Pillsbury fresh from the oven, I mean fresh fruits and veggies. Eat them by themselves, in salads, steamed, baked, grilled, or stir-fried (try to stay away from boiling, you lose a lot of nutrients in the water when you do). Also if the skin of a fruit or veggie is editable then eat it because most of the time that is where the nutrients are. That goes for potatoes (of which your consumption should be limited), carrots, apples, cucumbers, zucchini and many more.

Another biggie is don't get stuck in a rut. Try something new be it some item you've never eaten before, a new style of cuisine, or even a new recipe. Since you are reading this I know that you have access to the internet look up a new recipe. A little trick of mine if you are not sure of how to make something, even with a recipe, look for a video of someone cooking it (there are a plethora of them on YouTube).  Heck make themed meals, have a Lebanese, Thai, Indian, or French night. The point is keep it interesting because if it isn't interesting you will get bored and when something becomes boring you lose interest and ultimately you give up.

I hope this helps. Now everyone go out and try something new. The worst that can happen is that you find out that you don't like it.

The truth revealed!

So today was day 8. This morning I got on the scale and the scale read 259.6 lbs!!! Remember that I started at 266.4 lbs so that is a total loss of 6 pounds and 6 ounces!!! Oh my gosh, I can't believe my eyes so I get on the scale again. Again 259.8!!! <Happy dance>

Now its time to break out the tape measure!

Beginning Measurement                              New Measurement

Waist- 52 inches                                               45 inches
Hips- 60 inches                                                 57 inches
Neck- 16 inches                                               15 inches
Chest- 46 inches                                               42 inches


After just one week!!! What more can I say. I am so proud of myself. Now I just need to keep on trucking and I plan on it. So today is a great day and tomorrow will be too.

Day 7

Today was the seventh day that I have been working to become a healthier happier individual. I am so proud of myself. Today I went to my golf class. We were chipping (for those who don't know golf lingo that is when you hit the ball from the rough to the green). It was nice to get outside and it wasn't too hot, only about 102^F. Oh goodness I guess I'm becoming a desert rat. After golf I received a pleasant surprise, my camera came! I am so excited, now I just have to read the manual so I know how to use it. A while later it was time to go back to school shopping for my son. I took him too and he for the most part behaved rather well.

Tomorrow is weigh and measure day, and may I say that I think the results will be amazing. I have been working really hard for this and I have been seeing awesome results. And its only been one week!!! It is late and I am worn out from a long day, so until tomorrow.

Day 6

Today was a very good day. Today I walked my son to the bus stop this morning and was not winded. YAY!!! I wore a shirt that I haven't worn in about two years. This is amazing. I have only been doing this for 6 days and already I feel wonderful. My clothes fit, I have more energy, I can play with my son without feeling like I can't breath. I don't know what took me so long to make this decision, but I suppose that it is better late than never.

I am a stress eater and a midnight muncher with a major sweet tooth, and today I had my first exam. I have been cramming like mad and I was not feeling very confident. Firstly this class is a distances ed class. When you have a distances ed class you never know what the work required is going to be like. Secondly your entire score is based on three exams. Thirdly the class is American Sign Language. All of this stress has been killing me and the only thing that has been saving my butt is Blue Bunny Sweet Freedom Fudge Lite Bars. Thank God for sugar-free low-fat diet frozen treats. Then I found out that all the stress was for naught, the exam took me ten minutes to complete. But I guess it is better to over prepare than to under prepare and fail.

I feel so relaxed now, and Christmas is coming for me because I have a wonderful camera, camera kit, computer, and computer desk on the way and due to arrive next week. Thank you Pell grant! I am so stoked about getting this camera because it is added motivation to get out and go hiking or playing at the park with my son because I know I am going to get some awesome shots. And tomorrow I am going shopping to buy my son some school clothes and the rest of the stuff I need to finish out the semester.

So I am doing great and I am super motivated. I am banking that tomorrow is going to be just as great.

Day 5

Today is actually day six but I fell asleep yesterday while I was studying before I could get around to posting. Not sure if I mentioned it before but I am a full-time college student and mother of a 4 year old boy with autism. So sometimes burning the candle at both ends gets the best of me. As far as yesterday goes it was a normal day, nothing really exciting happened. I felt good yesterday. I have been noticing an increase in energy which is great because with a four year old you can never have too much energy.

Everyday seems to get better and better. When I wake up in the morning I feel energized and refreshed. At least I do on the days that when I actually slept the night before. Still having a lot of insomnia but that is just normal for me, its been that way since I was a kid. My mom says I was the worst baby ever when it came to sleeping.

I have noticed that all my clothes seem to be fitting better and it hasn't even been a week yet! I can't wait until I have to break out the sewing machine and start taking them in!!! I see a great future ahead of me and I know it won't always be easy but I am glad I have this blog to help keep me inspired and the support of all my friends, family, and readers! Thank you!

Day 4

When you are big, even if you tell yourself it doesn't matter, deep down it does. When you have to squeeze past someone in the market, or God forbid through one of those turnstile things, you always ask yourself "Is today the day that I won't make it through?" Then you go on mentally berating yourself for that éclair or order of fries that you really didn't need but you told yourself "Why the heck not? It doesn't matter anymore anyway." And you look around wondering if people are staring at you and if they are what they are thinking. It hurts, even if it is all in your head. That in itself is a scary thought. That you could be projecting your own insecurities on to others. But it is really hard to gauge because you don't even want to make eye contact. So in reality you have know I idea what they are really looking at.

I was thinking today, its almost fair season. Soon our little local carnival will come into town with all of their colorfully lit fast whirling and twirling rides, and I am sad that I can't get on them with my son. Especially when I think back to how great it was when I was a child to get on a ride for the first time and have my mom or dad sitting next to me. But I have something to look forward to because next year I will be able to ride the rides with him and hold him close while the cool night air whips and roars about us and the brightly colored lights blink as though they are cheering us on. This is why I will not give up. This is why I am determined to continue. This mental image and so many more like it are my motivation. This is why until I reach my goal I will work hard and bask in every milestone that I make along this journey.

Today I didn't go for my "power walk" but I did find a dance aerobic video so I did that instead. I'm feeling really good today. I found out that I can fit into two pairs of jeans that a week ago I couldn't breath in. So that was totally awesome. Since I have been doing this I feel better. Not just physically but mentally. I really feel good. So today was a good day.

Days 2 & 3

Day 2

Nothing of much note happened. It was my day off from exercising (I am only exercising every other day right now, at least until I get used to it then I will increase my activity). Since I have been so sedentary in the last few years I think it wise to take it slow.

As far as consuming calories, I only consumed 805. It didn't see to me that I was eating much less than what I normally would have eaten it was just better for me. No cookies or chips, no ice cream or candy, no pastries, or fried foods. I did notice that I drank a lot more fluids, mainly Crystal Light. All in all it seemed like a normal day.

I did find a website where I can create a meal diary and an exercise diary to monitor how many calories I consume and burn. I only signed up for the free access membership but there is another one that they offer that you can purchase (I don't really see the need in doing that). You can even plot out a walking, running, or biking map. The web address is http://www.livestrong.com. So far I like it but time will tell. I suggest that if you are interested that you at least check it out.

Day 3

So I slipped today. I couldn't sleep at all last night. I was just starting to fall asleep when my 5am alarm went off. I reset the alarm for 6:30 and rolled over. There was no way I was getting up to walk to the bathroom let alone a mile around the neighborhood. Now instead of beating myself up I have decided to accept it. We all have to face the fact that we are merely human and therefore there are going to be days when things don't work out as planed. As long as the good days far out weigh the bad we are still on the right track.

Diet wise though I behaved marvelously. Oatmeal and a glass of skim milk for breakfast, half a turkey sandwich, a string cheese, and a salad for lunch, chicken and rice pilaf for dinner, then a Blue Bunny sugar-free fudge bar for desert. So all in all I consumed 1137 calories and burned over 650 leaving me with a calorie deficit of around 700. Not too shabby if you ask me.

Now tomorrow is another day, and one which I plan on seizing. So until then thanks for reading!

Day 1

Well I was so excited about my decision to change my life that I didn't sleep last night. I was just lying in bed  daydreaming about the end result, about being able to run around the playground with Jared, hiking, and just plain feeling better physically, mentally, and emotionally. So needless to say I am beat. Especially after getting up at 5:00am and power walking for about 23 minutes. But as everyone knows, children cater to no one. Jared was up bright eyed and busy tailed at quarter to 7. After a couple of cups of coffee and a bowl of super whole grain vitamin packed oatmeal and I was feeling like a winner, albeit a very sore winner.

All in all today was a good day. I did a little research and took some measurements, the results were not at all pleasing. When I hopped on the scale the number it flashed back at me was 266.4. Pound!!!!!! I then grabbed the measuring tape ( I know that doing it yourself is not recommended, I will get a better reading when I have someone available to help) neck-15.5 inches, waist-52 inches, hips-60 inches, upper arm-17 inches, calf-18 inches, thigh-30 inches. Now here is the truly revolting part I entered my height (5'2"), weight, and a few measurements into a BMI (body mass index) calculator online; the results read 74.8% body fat!!!!!!!! Three quarters of my body is fat. If I were a fast food burger I would be called Heart Attack in a Wrapper!!! There is absolutely no excuse for what I have done to my body. I am more determined now than ever to get healthy.

This evening I went shopping and instead of buying junk and easy to prepare "meals" (although I bought normal food for everyone else) for myself I bought healthy food. Canned chicken and tuna, brown rice, whole grain pasta, dried fruit for fat-free cottage cheese and oatmeal, stevia crystals instead of sugar. I will buy the veggies and fresh fruit as needed. I have decided that failure is not an option. I have to make this work, my life depends on it. Tuesday I am going to call the health department and set up an appointment for a check up including blood work ups for cholesterol and blood sugar. I want to know where I am beginning from so that it will make my success all the more sweet.

So that is the run-down for Day 1. All in all a good day because I feel that for the first time in a very long time things are going to get better. 

Everything has a beginning.

So this is my first blog. Well not technically but I am hoping that this will be my first successful blog. I was not nearly tech savvy enough the for the last go round and the tech was not nearly dumbed down enough for me to use. Anyway just for clarification I am not "Desperately Seeking" anyone who maybe a size 6. No, I am seeking my own size six. I am on a mission to live a healthier life. I am currently more than double my optimal body weight <gasp>. Looking back I don't really know how I got here. I mean I have always been voluptuous, rubenesque, plus sized, yada yada yada but I have never been this big. I weigh more now than I did right before I gave birth to my son!

My son, that is the real reason that I want to be successful with this lifestyle change. I really don't want to have a heart attack at the age of 35. I want to see him graduate high school and college, get married, have kids, or whatever it is that he wants to do. I just want to be able to be there for him. As things are now I can't even play with him. I get out of breath walking from the apartment to the parking lot for Pete's sake, which is maybe 50 feet away but probably less.

So here it is. Starting now I am going to turn my life around. I am going to exercise more, eat less, and eat healthier. I am determined to make this work. I recently told someone that "... when things get hard and you don't want to continue forward you have to anyway. That is how you succeed. That is how you accomplish your goals. If you give up instead of persevering then it isn't a question of whether or not you are capable of accomplishing your task because you didn't really try..." I figure it is time to take my own words of wisdom and apply them to myself.