Day 4

When you are big, even if you tell yourself it doesn't matter, deep down it does. When you have to squeeze past someone in the market, or God forbid through one of those turnstile things, you always ask yourself "Is today the day that I won't make it through?" Then you go on mentally berating yourself for that éclair or order of fries that you really didn't need but you told yourself "Why the heck not? It doesn't matter anymore anyway." And you look around wondering if people are staring at you and if they are what they are thinking. It hurts, even if it is all in your head. That in itself is a scary thought. That you could be projecting your own insecurities on to others. But it is really hard to gauge because you don't even want to make eye contact. So in reality you have know I idea what they are really looking at.

I was thinking today, its almost fair season. Soon our little local carnival will come into town with all of their colorfully lit fast whirling and twirling rides, and I am sad that I can't get on them with my son. Especially when I think back to how great it was when I was a child to get on a ride for the first time and have my mom or dad sitting next to me. But I have something to look forward to because next year I will be able to ride the rides with him and hold him close while the cool night air whips and roars about us and the brightly colored lights blink as though they are cheering us on. This is why I will not give up. This is why I am determined to continue. This mental image and so many more like it are my motivation. This is why until I reach my goal I will work hard and bask in every milestone that I make along this journey.

Today I didn't go for my "power walk" but I did find a dance aerobic video so I did that instead. I'm feeling really good today. I found out that I can fit into two pairs of jeans that a week ago I couldn't breath in. So that was totally awesome. Since I have been doing this I feel better. Not just physically but mentally. I really feel good. So today was a good day.

Days 2 & 3

Day 2

Nothing of much note happened. It was my day off from exercising (I am only exercising every other day right now, at least until I get used to it then I will increase my activity). Since I have been so sedentary in the last few years I think it wise to take it slow.

As far as consuming calories, I only consumed 805. It didn't see to me that I was eating much less than what I normally would have eaten it was just better for me. No cookies or chips, no ice cream or candy, no pastries, or fried foods. I did notice that I drank a lot more fluids, mainly Crystal Light. All in all it seemed like a normal day.

I did find a website where I can create a meal diary and an exercise diary to monitor how many calories I consume and burn. I only signed up for the free access membership but there is another one that they offer that you can purchase (I don't really see the need in doing that). You can even plot out a walking, running, or biking map. The web address is http://www.livestrong.com. So far I like it but time will tell. I suggest that if you are interested that you at least check it out.

Day 3

So I slipped today. I couldn't sleep at all last night. I was just starting to fall asleep when my 5am alarm went off. I reset the alarm for 6:30 and rolled over. There was no way I was getting up to walk to the bathroom let alone a mile around the neighborhood. Now instead of beating myself up I have decided to accept it. We all have to face the fact that we are merely human and therefore there are going to be days when things don't work out as planed. As long as the good days far out weigh the bad we are still on the right track.

Diet wise though I behaved marvelously. Oatmeal and a glass of skim milk for breakfast, half a turkey sandwich, a string cheese, and a salad for lunch, chicken and rice pilaf for dinner, then a Blue Bunny sugar-free fudge bar for desert. So all in all I consumed 1137 calories and burned over 650 leaving me with a calorie deficit of around 700. Not too shabby if you ask me.

Now tomorrow is another day, and one which I plan on seizing. So until then thanks for reading!

Day 1

Well I was so excited about my decision to change my life that I didn't sleep last night. I was just lying in bed  daydreaming about the end result, about being able to run around the playground with Jared, hiking, and just plain feeling better physically, mentally, and emotionally. So needless to say I am beat. Especially after getting up at 5:00am and power walking for about 23 minutes. But as everyone knows, children cater to no one. Jared was up bright eyed and busy tailed at quarter to 7. After a couple of cups of coffee and a bowl of super whole grain vitamin packed oatmeal and I was feeling like a winner, albeit a very sore winner.

All in all today was a good day. I did a little research and took some measurements, the results were not at all pleasing. When I hopped on the scale the number it flashed back at me was 266.4. Pound!!!!!! I then grabbed the measuring tape ( I know that doing it yourself is not recommended, I will get a better reading when I have someone available to help) neck-15.5 inches, waist-52 inches, hips-60 inches, upper arm-17 inches, calf-18 inches, thigh-30 inches. Now here is the truly revolting part I entered my height (5'2"), weight, and a few measurements into a BMI (body mass index) calculator online; the results read 74.8% body fat!!!!!!!! Three quarters of my body is fat. If I were a fast food burger I would be called Heart Attack in a Wrapper!!! There is absolutely no excuse for what I have done to my body. I am more determined now than ever to get healthy.

This evening I went shopping and instead of buying junk and easy to prepare "meals" (although I bought normal food for everyone else) for myself I bought healthy food. Canned chicken and tuna, brown rice, whole grain pasta, dried fruit for fat-free cottage cheese and oatmeal, stevia crystals instead of sugar. I will buy the veggies and fresh fruit as needed. I have decided that failure is not an option. I have to make this work, my life depends on it. Tuesday I am going to call the health department and set up an appointment for a check up including blood work ups for cholesterol and blood sugar. I want to know where I am beginning from so that it will make my success all the more sweet.

So that is the run-down for Day 1. All in all a good day because I feel that for the first time in a very long time things are going to get better.